BULLYING

A bully is someone who takes advantage of another individual that he or she perceives as more vulnerable. The bully's goal is to gain control over the victim or to gain control over a social group. This type of behavior can occur in any age or social group. Bullying behavior harms both the victim and the perpetrator. If your child experiences chronic intimidation, he or she may learn to expect this from others. He/she may develop a pattern of compliance with unfair demands of those perceived as stronger. Anxiety and depression may occur. At times, a child identifies with and becomes a bully himself or herself. It is important to examine patterns and motivations when a child is mean to another. A bully will often surround himself/herself with a group of peers. He/she consciously picks on weaker, more vulnerable victims and bothers them repeatedly. Often, the bullying behavior occurs when authority is not around. A bully's intent is to gain control over others and to enjoy watching the victim's reaction.

Why does a child become a bully?

Perhaps he/she lacks good adult role models. If he/she sees parents bullying him/her or each other, this type of behavior may be regarded as the way one should act. Children learn from their peers. A child may fall into a peer group that uses bullying tactics.

Who are the most likely victims of bullying?

Children who are isolated, physically or socially, children who are perceived as different, those who exhibit poor social skills, sensitive children, and those who just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes parents may not be aware that their child is being bullied. The child may be intimidated into secrecy-feeling ashamed that he/she has allowed this to happen. The child may feel that that his/her parents will criticize him/her. Also, the child may worry that his/her parents will intervene in a way that would make things worse.

Signs that your child might be bullied:

• falling school grades
• physical complaints on school days
• lack of interest in school work or in sports
• -unexplained injuries
• missing belongings or money
• repeated requests for more money
• coming home from school hungry even though he/she brought an adequate lunch to school

How can you as a parent help your child?

1. You need to get your child to open up about his/her concerns - broach the subject at a calm, neutral time
2. Ask general questions about whether something is bothering you child
3. Avoid interrupting or judging him/her. Get as detailed a narrative as possible
4. Stay calm, be patient and if you need to, bring up the topic again later
5. Avoid offering premature solutions
6. If you sense that something is going on and suspect that your child is not giving you all the information, call his/her teacher

What else can you do?

1. Teach your child to avoid being an easy target. Start with posture, eye contact and voice-they communicate a lot about whether you are vulnerable or not.
2. Teach your child to avoid isolated places where he/she can't be seen or heard. Become vigilant for trouble brewing or suspicious individuals
3. If bullying begins, try to deflect it with humor or changing the subject
4. Teach your child not to obey the commands of a bully- it might be best to run away than to comply
5. Your child needs to learn to discriminate between social bullying and more dangerous physically threatening situations-if he/she is in an isolated place and feels physically threatened, he/her should give the bully the items that are being demanded. However, if someone is demanding that your child get into a stranger's car, he/she should resist with as much force as possible. Once your child gets away, he/she should notify a responsible adult as soon as possible
6. Your child can benefit from karate training. Through karate instruction, your child will raise his/her self esteem and will less likely become a target.